I’m a musician, writer, and comic artist. Welcome to my website.
All in Humor
Because I occasionally buy guitar supplies online, I end up seeing online advertising for gaudy t-shirts that are a variation on the theme “I’m cool because I play guitar.” My friends and family already know I play guitar. And they know I’m not cool. So who is this t-shirt message for? If I walk into...
There is much historical debate on who coined the term "shred" as it relates to guitar. One explanation states that it was coined in the early 1980s by a guitar magazine writer
I ordered a new drive pedal and it finally came. Excitedly I opened the box. It was empty. I got mad. Then I remembered it was a transparent drive. Silly me. So I fished around in the box and felt it. I took it out and tried it. Wow!
Some musicians can go by their first name only, like Cher or Elvis. That doesn't work for Mark. So I thought about changing my name to Reginaldo. But I don't look much like a Reginaldo, and people already know me as Mark. So then I thought about changing the spelling of my name to Reginaldo but still pronouncing it Mark.
I will now rap a rhyme about lamp ties:
I went outside and it was damp
I got knocked down ‘cause my tie was a lamp
I started to jerk and do a shocking dance
I looked so weird I had to move to France
After extensive repeated listening I have determined that the song is about a girl named Sue Sussudio or possibly Sue Sue Sudio. (If she had married Phil she would have become Sue Sue Collins — not nearly as cool.)
Sometimes there are just a few words difference between a flop and a hit record. For example change only two words and these hit record lyrics aren’t quite as appealing.
“Sunshine, on my shoulders makes me sunburned. Sunshine, in my eyes can make me blind.”
If you ever go through the desert on A Horse With No Name there might be some Dust In The Wind.
Why are musicians so weird? I was talking to some musician friends about how I didn't think you could really escape a subterranean cave large enough to hold an ocean at the center of the earth through the conduit of an active volcano by riding in a giant clam shell shaped fire-proof vessel and being pushed up and out the throat of the volcano by a lava eruption. And even if you could
I miss the good old days, so I am currently converting all the music files on my computer to 8-Track tape.
“When you hear the scratch of the guitars scratchin', then you'll know that rhythm carries all the action. Woah. Turn the beat around..." - Professor Vicki Sue Robinson
“Alright Friedrich, a drop of golden sun probably would melt through your hand. But you’re missing the point.” - Maria ( Julie Andrews )
A little known musical quote from the Starlin Book of Little Known Musical Quotes.
For 30 years I thought Gordon Lightfoot was singing “every highway.” Today I learned it was “carefree highway.” I don’t like the song now.
I found a copy of Moby Dick in a field Over The Hills And Far Away. In the back of it was an advertisement for a Stairway To Heaven that people could buy. I was a little Dazed And Confused, but I figured it was just a scam, so I decided I would be better off Going To California and seeing The Ocean. Unfortunately a Black Dog blocked my path and gave No Quarter. I thought Hey, Hey What Can I Do? Then I remembered that I had picked up Four Sticks for firewood and I threw them. The dog chased them and I ran like a Fool In The Rain. It was In The Evening so I knew it would be a Night Flight. When I finally made it Down By The Seaside it was a real Celebration Day.
One of my musical goals is to play a green tambourine in a yellow submarine.
"Now listen while I play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play..."
I was just thinking how much the way of life in the "Wild West" affected 1980's "Hair Metal" music. For example, imagine if cattle driving hadn't been such a big part of the old west, and Bon Jovi had to re-write the lyrics to Wanted Dead Or Alive to reflect
I guess timing is everything. After spending over 200 hours putting together a band and learning to sing soaring falsetto vocals with two other guys over a musical style that features elements of funk, latin, and soul music with a steady four-on-the-floor beat and an open hi-hat on the off-beat, including a prominent syncopated electric bass line and strings, horns, electric piano, synths, and funky electric guitars that create a lush background sound, I found out about the Bee Gees. Just my luck.
If machines are going to take over the world, I hope those machines are guitars. I know how to "play" them. And if necessary, I know how to string them up.
Like most guitar players, in addition to astrophysics and molecular biology, I also studied electrical engineering. So as a side job I have decided to create a line of boutique guitar pedals. I am looking for feedback from my fellow guitar players. Here are my first two designs. What do you think?
Its name says it all. Simply step on the switch and you will have awesome tone and playing ability. No need to fiddle with knobs or jumper switches or rockers or toggles. Just get awesome.
