First Day On The Job
A Pet Story
It was Milo’s first day on the job. His new home was large, and he felt quite alone.
But he did like having all the food to himself. The cat bed was nice and cushy. And Milo really liked having fresh litter that he didn’t have to share. Overall, not a bad gig.
Now all he had to do was keep an eye out for mice and bugs and anything else that might invade the house.
Whoa! They didn’t mention anything that big in Cat School. It’s definitely not a mouse.
“So you’re the new guy?” Max, the dog, said.
“Uh, that’s right. I’m Milo. What are you?”
“[Laughs.] I’m Max. I’m a dog. A Golden Retriever, to be exact. I’ve been here for a long time. I take it they didn’t tell you about me?”
“Well, they made a lot of sounds like they were talking to a human baby, but I couldn’t understand them.”
“You will learn to recognize certain words in time. Anyway, this is how it’s gonna work.
I mainly do outside, and you mainly do inside.
I poop on the lawn. You poop in a box.
I go for walks, and you lay on the furniture.
I should chase you around — while barking — and try to catch you. But I’m too old for that. I’ll let the neighborhood dogs do that, if the humans let you out. Are you an indoor or outdoor cat?”
“I don’t know. I am only a few weeks old.”
“Well, if you go out, my dog house is off-limits. I just got it decorated the way I like it, and I don’t need a kitten in there scratching everything up. Got it?”
“Stay out of your dog house. Got it.”
“Occasionally. Alright, every day, I like to lay on the floor near the vent and take a nap or two. If you want to curl up next to me and take a nap, I will allow it. Just don’t purr too loud. I don’t understand why cats have to make that crazy noise when panting and tail-wagging are just as good. And not so loud.”
“I will try to control my purring,” Milo said.
“And no scratching! I’m not a tree.”
“Right. Claws in at all times. Anything else?”
“Jenny likes to pull tails. She’s two. You’ve been warned.”
“Thanks.”
“And if I am not mistaken, Mama is going to have another litter in a few months.”
“The human woman who brought me home?”
“That’s her. Be prepared for lots of baby talk and hugging. If you curl up next to her on the sofa while she watches TV, she seems to like that.”
“Got it. I didn’t realize how much was involved in being a house cat.”
“Don’t worry Kid, you’ll do fine. Just follow your instincts.”
“Alright. Thanks, Max.”
“Sure thing, Kid.”
Photo by MIKHAIL VASILYEV
